Okay, back to our regularly scheduled semi-almost-kinda sane author. I must apologize to, well, a few people, for what happened on Sunday. I know, the post doesn’t look that bad, but I think by the end of the day, I was in full panic mode. Maybe it’s because I’d never gotten to the end of the novel before, but I really expected The End to feel more like an end. Instead, it felt like this overwhelming beginning, and I panicked about how much there was to do.

In retrospect, it was a familiar feeling, because it’s what I used to get mid-way through first draft when I’d look at how much more I had to write, and then revise and then…. You get the picture. So really, I was kind of advancing a step, but it does get better. Because I remember why I didn’t do that this time, how I got all the way to The End without panicking. That’s good because that (along with soothing phone calls and words of wisdom from friends) helped me get past it.

I have to remember to take this one step at a time, one piece at a time, and not let me get ahead of myself. Keeping that firmly in mind, I’m only doing notes and stuff on Dark Mirror right now, asking myself a lot of questions, finding unexpected answers and thinking about the implications of those answers. Dark Mirror is shifting, and I’m not entirely sure where it will come to rest, but I know it’ll be better for it. Major changes, though, and I probably won’t even end up using the old manuscript as reference. Sad, I know, 107k words that will likely never see anyone’s eyes but mine, but it’s for the good of the story. Part of the process, so some wise person told me lately.

Funny thing is, I’m not letting that make me stop working on The Ailing Tree at all. I’m letting lessons learned and learning from Dark Mirror instead go into the process of prepping The Ailing Tree. I’m hoping for a better first draft, a better overall story coming out of first draft when I go to write The Ailing Tree.

On another note, I can tell I haven’t been actually writing lately. I’m tired, though some of that might also be work stress. Only Tuesday and it’s been a crappy week, probably partly from panicking on Sunday. Sometimes I think everything in my life is a bit circular, or maybe just elliptical…